Men change when they are ready to. Give him time to show his real face and be there no matter what happens. Emotionally damaged men have been hurt. Once he falls in love he will do his best to protect and ride the storms with you. And love is an essential part of our life. And these emotionally broken men obviously love in a different way as well. I want to share them with all of you who are struggling to love a damaged man. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. What kinds of things need to happen to them to become so closed and not ready to show their emotions? It is okay to be each other’s support. It might take you months to make cracks in the iceberg they have inhabited, and years to touch their soul. They are like fuel that is moving him forward. As a therapist who specializes in relationships; I frequently witness how diminished people’s capacity to love is these days. They have been through hell and back and all they ask for is someone to love them. He was a millionaire, a successful businessman, he was handsome and polite but he was still broken. Just another sad ending that is common when someone gives up on love before the relationship is over, and when that happens usually both people are going to get hurt in the process. A reader wonders how to fix her relationship with an emotionally damaged man who says he can’t love. People who are emotionally draining often put a lot of their problems and issues on other people. Here are some tips for all of you out there who are struggling with your Mr. Imperfect! Damaged people are so full of love, and that’s exactly why they’re so afraid to fall in it. Many women try to fix their emotionally damaged men by talking about their past. Every emotionally broken guy has a bad past. And the tragedy is that in a world full of options and opportunities, in a world where most roads are smoothly paved, few will ever choose the rigid path to a damaged person’s heart. If you really love him, wait until he opens up to you. If you love him, be prepared for switches in his behavior. So, think twice before you say, “I DO!”. Well, their past is the main reason they feel this way. He is just being extra careful with the people he lets into his life. They need someone to help them understand their broken feelings. He has been hurt in the past and this is his self-defense mechanism. You will never return to how you were before them, so either take it or leave it. It’s a series of battles that will change you forever, battles few are strong enough to endure. L July 21st, 2016 at 8:33 AM . Emotionally damaged people have a tough time being in a healthy relationship, and they have a harder time accepting genuine love from someone. You can get used to the quiet and cold him and he will get used to the passionate you. When someone is emotionally damaged most individuals family or partner try to “save" that person. How do men become emotionally damaged? He was incomplete for his entire life. For this, you have to know how to love someone who is emotionally damaged. And honestly, that is not something he wants to go through again. They want an emotional connection, yet every time they try to establish one, ghosts of their past start haunting them, carrying images of the pain they had to endure. That’s why they have mastered ways to protect themselves from getting hurt. They don’t want it and go to great lengths to avoid it— but they EXPECT to be hurt and through this expectation, cause enough pain to keep themselves busy for a lifetime. The reason he doesn’t expose his heart is because he knows he can’t control it. It gets old and exhausting over time. He definitely won’t change if you push him and there is a possibility that he will leave you when he sees that you are talking about his past all the time. You might be happy to bend over backward for someone you love, but that only works for a little while. Kudos to the men out there who have the nerve to date a damaged woman, picking up the pieces of the broken heart, that you had nothing to do with, and gently putting it back together. [Read: 11 types of girls you should avoid falling for at all costs] #7 Her heart belongs to someone … Without you, we would have never dared to dream or love again. An emotionally damaged person may find it difficult to trust others, may feel on edge or easily angered or offended and may try to distance themselves from … I am sure he will find some ways to pay you back! Understand the reason: Basically, all men want to be loved! It’s being stuck in a loop of mind games, never figuring out when will they come to an end. Assure them you don’t hate them. A reader wonders how to fix her relationship with an emotionally damaged man who says he can’t love. But the harsh truth is that he can’t. Getting a real man means fighting for him by any means necessary and accepting him the way he is. There are many moments where emotionally damaged people reveal their true selves. Emotionally unavailable people are incapable of introspection. When you love someone who's emotionally unavailable, it can be so frustrating to feel like you're giving in a way that the person you love simply can't give back. Maybe it is their half-smile that never reaches their eyes. You know why? They are mothers or sisters and they are always there for their loved ones. The emotionally broken man has seen it all. How to Love an Emotionally Unavailable Man “A good husband wipes her tears, but a great husband listens to the story of why she’s crying.” Brace yourself, for these tips for loving a men who aren’t available emotionally aren’t exactly the lightest, most joyful, or most hopeful bits of advice! They have been through hell and back and all they ask for is someone to love them. And they realize that this feeling only comes from being vulnerable, from opening up to people, from making them see the real you, the person you are trying to hide behind your shallow skin. One of the most important things when dating an emotionally damaged man is not to be pushy. They just need someone who will accept them with all their imperfections and to be able to love them without limitations. And that is what makes him so special! When he broke my heart 2 weeks ago he said he couldn’t feel love (rough childhood, background etc). By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. 1) He finds it tough to share his problems. Following my recent article, “What Being Emotionally Unavailable Really Means and Why Men Do It,” I could see from the comments that there was a general consensus that a man’s partner, and how safe he felt in the relationship, has a big impact on how likely he is to show up and open up. They have a lack of self-awareness, an abundance of relational needs (that they can’t reciprocate), and because they are unable to tap into their emotions, they cannot empathize nor do their words match their actions. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. They know what it took them to make it here, and they are not willing to allow anyone to hurt them again. If a person is serious about finding an emotionally available person for a committed partnership, there are whole categories of people who should be avoided: people living in another state, those who are still married or in love with someone else, and people with addictions - … The woman who is emotionally unavailable because she loves herself too much, is the one you should let go. You can only love one person at a time, and until she stops adoring herself so much, there is no room for you. To slowly melt their heart. Learn about us. If you’ve been emotionally damaged in any way, know that there is a solution out there for you and you’re strong enough to beat whatever you’re being challenged with. It’s not the story of two people who fall in love with each other, go out on exquisite dates, text all day, and open their hearts to one another during midnight calls. You are probably thinking, “What kind of girl would date a man like that?”, right? I know that sometimes you will think of leaving him because it is easier to leave than to fix someone but your heart will tell you not to do that. Letting out those feelings and some of the pain by talking to someone you trust is a good way to start moving beyond your heartache. Dating an emotionally damaged man might be a challenging situation, but it’s not the end of the world. But on the other hand, an emotionally damaged person who has learned how to love will love more deeply than any dog ever could (and that says a lot because I think dogs are really good at love… I am not quite sure what it is. There is something that made scars on his heart. They just need someone who will accept them with all their imperfections and to be able to love them without limitations. With that being said, broken men are not the best choice for a long-term relationship . Try to understand him because it is difficult to live this way. God sent him to your life for a reason. They fear the feeling that still haunts them from the past, the feeling of being hurt, the feeling of being left behind. Here are some important and effective tips that will help you understand how to love someone who is emotionally unavailable. It can take a long time until this happens but if you really care for him, you will wait. You are sent on a mission to slowly peel their shield, layer by layer, and part by part. It’s desperately shouting out for them to open up, as they dive deeper into themselves as you approach. When all is said and done, a damaged person has a lot to offer when it comes to love, compassion, and even kindness. 6 below], he wants someone who does not need him emotionally at all. If you are to change; it will be when you decide to and not when others decide, right? So, if you are going to date a man like this, make sure that you have enough strength and energy because it will be exhausting. Hurt is a reaction to fear, and in a place of Love, there is no room for fear or anything else. Show him that you are planning to stay and that you found everything that you had been looking for the day when you met him. Loving a damaged person is a war, a war few are ready to fight, that’s why they are often left alone. 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